As I've gotten older I've discovered that I've developed new fears....most of them are irrational and revolve around something happening to my family. Other than things happening to me or my family, I have four fears. They are snakes, clowns, needles, and thunderstorms. When I was younger I truly believed that when a thunderstorm came it was because God was punishing me for some sin. I would rack my brain for what I had done. I will admit that sometimes that thought still comes now that I'm older, but now it causes me to chuckle :P
The other night there was a thunderstorm. A very loud rippling clap of thunder woke up Anna and I. This year she has decided that she needs mom when she is woken up by thunderstorms. She came into my room and wanted to sleep on the couch in our room. I didn't really want to clean it off, so I told her she could come snuggle with me. She actually fell asleep there until the storm was over. I sent her back to her room.
The next morning I was thinking about the previous night. It feels so good to be thought of as a safe place. Anna coming to me shows me that she feels as though she can trust me and that she knows that I will do my best to protect her and comfort her. If I feel that good, I can't imagine how God feels when we will run to him with our fears or problems. He is there at all times and is in control of everything. Does that mean He will keep my fears away from me....no....but he will provide me everything that I need in the situation. He can provide peace that passes understanding. He will walk with me through my fears. Even though I hope with all my heart that both of my children will always feel that they can come to me with any fear or problem or joy or anything, I have a bigger hope that I can train them to go to the One who holds more power than I.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
How it all started...
When I was 16, I was walking along Myrtle Beach alone one night talking with God. I was agonizing over my relationship with this one boy. I was infatuated with him and as hard as I would try I couldn't get over him. I clearly remember hearing "Wait for my timing, this is the guy for you." March 10, 2006 that boy and I got married.
Brad sums up our relationship in just three sentences. We met. We were friends. We got married. I myself prefer a little more detail....
The first time I remember seeing Brad was the summer of 1999. In the church kitchen I saw him talking to one of my girl friends. Brad and I both went to the same youth group so knew each other but weren't really friends. That fall we both went to the private school in our town. We became friends. My impressions of him were that he was smart, wore his pants too tight (he used to tuck his shirt in his tight pants :P), was kind, fun, nerdy, and a little bit cute. We hung out with the same group of people and I developed a crush on him although he was obviously taken by one of my friends. The next year of school his best friend told him that I liked him. He did not have any interest in me but we still were friends. He transfered schools and the next year I transfered to that same school. We became best friends. During that time Brad made it incredibly clear that we would never be anything more than friends. He explained that he didn't want to lost a best friend by dating. We have so many memories together through those four years.
I went to college and he even visited a few times. That spring his girlfriend broke up with him a few weeks before prom. He messaged me asking if I would want to go with him. Of course I said yes!! Even though I had fun, that was one of the worst nights in our history together. He was a complete jerk (he will tell you he was). That summer we hung out and something changed. Homecoming came around and he asked me to go with him. There wasn't anything said about liking one another and I was very unsure of where we stood. That January my friend Nyssa, Brad, and I went skiing. Brad and I were on the chair lift and it came up that we needed to figure out what was between us. He cowarded out and made me say my feelings first. I was scared because I didn't want to be rejected again. Finally I told him that I liked him and he told me that he felt the same way. He didn't want to start dating because he wanted to finish his senior year first. He with my parents to visit me in FoCo. He asked me to go to the Winter Formal with him. We went to the Coyote (a Mexican restaurant) with his best friend and girlfriend. Towards the end of dinner the waitress comes around and asks me if I want more water. I didn't even really look at her and said no. She kept pestering me and finally I look up. She is wearing a shirt with Brad and I's picture on it and it says "Will you go out with me?" On the back it has a box next to yes and no. I mark yes and since then he has been stuck with me!
Brad went to the University of Nebraska Lincoln. It was hard on our relationship to be so far apart. It was good for our communication. We almost broke up several times but still made it. One year and some bad choices later, my parents and I traveled to Lincoln. Febrary 18th Brad asked me to marry him. He remembered to include in his question my one requirement. He had to include the verse from the Song of Solomon. It says "your hair is like a flock of wild goats". This verse cracks me up every time. We had originally planned on getting married August of 2007 but because of our choices we got married in March. I think God thought I should eat some crow. I had always said that I would never get married in winter because I hate winter. Three weeks after Brad asked me to marry him we were on our way to BV to get married. March 9th Brad drove in from Nebraska to FoCo. My friend Nyssa flew in around 11 and we picked her up. It was snowing bad so we picked up Nyssa then instead of driving to BV we drove to CO Springs and stayed in Brad's aunt and uncle's empty house. The next morning we drove to BV, got there around 10 and by 5:30 that night it was our ceremony. We had the dinner and then turned around and drove back up to Denver and the next morning we flew to Myrtle Beach. Did I forget to mention that my parents were with us? It had originally been planned that this was supposed to be a spring break trip so it just turned into a honeymoon. After our week in Myrtle Beach, Brad went back to UNL and I went back to CSU. We finished out our school years and finally were able to live together! We had a huge reception that June! That summer we went to some marriage counceling since we didn't do premarital counceling. The pastor told us that we should have never gotten married. How rude! We proved him wrong!
I truly believe that the key to Brad and I's relationship is that we were friends first. Brad was and still is my best friend. I can't wait to share my thoughts with him and he is my first call for anything. We have had our ups and downs. There have been times I wondered why I got married and times that I couldn't be happier. We create some beautiful babies. My favorite thing about us is that we are able to laugh. We were talking about how our marriage has matured over the last six years. I look foward to spending the next fifty years with Brad and I will enjoy every adventure we go on.
Brad sums up our relationship in just three sentences. We met. We were friends. We got married. I myself prefer a little more detail....
The first time I remember seeing Brad was the summer of 1999. In the church kitchen I saw him talking to one of my girl friends. Brad and I both went to the same youth group so knew each other but weren't really friends. That fall we both went to the private school in our town. We became friends. My impressions of him were that he was smart, wore his pants too tight (he used to tuck his shirt in his tight pants :P), was kind, fun, nerdy, and a little bit cute. We hung out with the same group of people and I developed a crush on him although he was obviously taken by one of my friends. The next year of school his best friend told him that I liked him. He did not have any interest in me but we still were friends. He transfered schools and the next year I transfered to that same school. We became best friends. During that time Brad made it incredibly clear that we would never be anything more than friends. He explained that he didn't want to lost a best friend by dating. We have so many memories together through those four years.
I went to college and he even visited a few times. That spring his girlfriend broke up with him a few weeks before prom. He messaged me asking if I would want to go with him. Of course I said yes!! Even though I had fun, that was one of the worst nights in our history together. He was a complete jerk (he will tell you he was). That summer we hung out and something changed. Homecoming came around and he asked me to go with him. There wasn't anything said about liking one another and I was very unsure of where we stood. That January my friend Nyssa, Brad, and I went skiing. Brad and I were on the chair lift and it came up that we needed to figure out what was between us. He cowarded out and made me say my feelings first. I was scared because I didn't want to be rejected again. Finally I told him that I liked him and he told me that he felt the same way. He didn't want to start dating because he wanted to finish his senior year first. He with my parents to visit me in FoCo. He asked me to go to the Winter Formal with him. We went to the Coyote (a Mexican restaurant) with his best friend and girlfriend. Towards the end of dinner the waitress comes around and asks me if I want more water. I didn't even really look at her and said no. She kept pestering me and finally I look up. She is wearing a shirt with Brad and I's picture on it and it says "Will you go out with me?" On the back it has a box next to yes and no. I mark yes and since then he has been stuck with me!
Brad went to the University of Nebraska Lincoln. It was hard on our relationship to be so far apart. It was good for our communication. We almost broke up several times but still made it. One year and some bad choices later, my parents and I traveled to Lincoln. Febrary 18th Brad asked me to marry him. He remembered to include in his question my one requirement. He had to include the verse from the Song of Solomon. It says "your hair is like a flock of wild goats". This verse cracks me up every time. We had originally planned on getting married August of 2007 but because of our choices we got married in March. I think God thought I should eat some crow. I had always said that I would never get married in winter because I hate winter. Three weeks after Brad asked me to marry him we were on our way to BV to get married. March 9th Brad drove in from Nebraska to FoCo. My friend Nyssa flew in around 11 and we picked her up. It was snowing bad so we picked up Nyssa then instead of driving to BV we drove to CO Springs and stayed in Brad's aunt and uncle's empty house. The next morning we drove to BV, got there around 10 and by 5:30 that night it was our ceremony. We had the dinner and then turned around and drove back up to Denver and the next morning we flew to Myrtle Beach. Did I forget to mention that my parents were with us? It had originally been planned that this was supposed to be a spring break trip so it just turned into a honeymoon. After our week in Myrtle Beach, Brad went back to UNL and I went back to CSU. We finished out our school years and finally were able to live together! We had a huge reception that June! That summer we went to some marriage counceling since we didn't do premarital counceling. The pastor told us that we should have never gotten married. How rude! We proved him wrong!
I truly believe that the key to Brad and I's relationship is that we were friends first. Brad was and still is my best friend. I can't wait to share my thoughts with him and he is my first call for anything. We have had our ups and downs. There have been times I wondered why I got married and times that I couldn't be happier. We create some beautiful babies. My favorite thing about us is that we are able to laugh. We were talking about how our marriage has matured over the last six years. I look foward to spending the next fifty years with Brad and I will enjoy every adventure we go on.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Get Your Argue On
There are times that I thrive on arguing. Growing up I was famous for taking an opposite side just for the sake of arguing. I might not even agree with what I was arguing for, but I still did it. Now that I'm older, I do dig in my heels and stand firm when I believe I am right. I hate that feeling of losing an argument or running out of comebacks (which rarely happens:P). Even after the arguement or disagreement, I will mull over what is said and think of different ways I should have said things or a better defensive of my position. I will literally stay up at night thinking of these things. One of the hardest things for me is letting go of an argument/disagreement especially in the middle of one. Thankfully, I have a husband who will observe, then step in and tell me that it isn't worth it and stop me from continuing. He may totally agree with me or even tell me his comment back, but still he encourages me to just let it go. Usually I give him a nasty look and try to rebel, but in the end I know he is right.
My daughter is quite the little arguer herself. I have a way of dropping in maturity and arguing with her when we are in disagreement. I have even lowered myself so much that I stuck my tongue out at her. Yes, I am the mother and I did such actions. Oh dear...
Hopefully one of these days I will resist the temptation to even open my mouth or allow my hands to type when I see an argument brewing. It isn't worth it and most of the time you will not change the other person's mind.
My daughter is quite the little arguer herself. I have a way of dropping in maturity and arguing with her when we are in disagreement. I have even lowered myself so much that I stuck my tongue out at her. Yes, I am the mother and I did such actions. Oh dear...
Hopefully one of these days I will resist the temptation to even open my mouth or allow my hands to type when I see an argument brewing. It isn't worth it and most of the time you will not change the other person's mind.
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