One year ago today....

At this moment one year ago today I remember my husband and mom trying their hardest to convince me to go to the hospital.  One year ago today I was in labor to have my one-derful Matthew.

Let me back up.  Matthew was due on Feb. 5th.  I think that due dates are a load of crock so wasn't disappointed or suprised when no baby was here by then.  In fact, I really wanted Matthew to be born on 2/9/11 (yes, I'm a total nerd and if you get why I will think about giving you some points).  If not born on 2/9 then 2/13/11 was acceptable as well.  My midwife made fun of me as she said she hadn't had anyone before want to be late.  A few days past my due date one of the midwives said she wanted me to consider getting induced.  I was irritated.  My blood pressure was fantastic and I had no swelling but was gaining weight fine. Plus, when the midwife guessed the weight of the baby she guessed around 7/8 lbs so I said that the baby needed to gain some more weight...I didn't want no small baby :P  I went to the midwife a week after my due date and was monitered.  It showed the baby was doing great but they still wanted me to induce.  I had total peace about the situation and said no.  Plus anyone who knows me knows that hell would have to freeze over before I induced without a good reason.  I told the midwife that day that I was going to have this baby naturally and it would not stay in me forever.  To assure them, I said after 42 weeks I would consider being induced.  My dad and I walked and walked and walked.  My mom gave me foot rubs (which I hate).  I swayed my hips and had lost my mucus plug, but still no baby.

I was supposed to have an appointment on 2/15 but cancelled it because I didn't want to fight with them about the induction and I was still feeling great and feeling the baby move.  When I woke up in the morning I felt a little different and thought "this could be the day".  I ate breakfast and told my mom I was feeling different.  She was excited because she was positive that I was in labor.  I was in denial because it didn't hurt at all.  We went to story time and I called Brad to say that maybe I was in labor.  After story time we went to Walmart and did some shopping.  I still wasn't pain at all, just felt ackward.  Anna and my mom went to take a nap.  While they were napping a nurse from the midwives office called.  This is when things changed.  She had the odascity (sp?) to tell me that I was killing my baby for not getting induced.  I told her that I thought I was in labor and when I explained how I was feeling she told me I was just having braxton hicks contractions.  I told her that I wasn't going to the hospital til I was pretty far along and she told me that I didn't think of anyone but myself.  I was beyond furious.  Me killing my baby....who did she think she was?  What did she have that would show I was killing my baby.  Even now I am slamming the keys while I type.  After that conversation my contractions developed a little more.  However, they still weren't painful.  I finally admitted that I was in labor.  The contractions were all over the place as far as consistency.  Brad got home at 5 and took Anna to Chick-fil-A.  My mom and I walked a few times around my neighborhood.  It was dark and finally around 8 Brad and my mom insisted that I pack a bag to go to the hospital.  Brad called the midwife and left a message to call us back.  I showered and braided my hair.  I did not want to go to the hospital.  I was convinced that it would be a terrible experience.  Brad and my mom were getting pretty ansy that I wasn't at the hospital yet.  I think it was hard because the contractions were not painful and I was feeling great. The midwife called back around 9 and heard how I was feeling and said she would feel better if I came in.  I relented. I cried leaving my Anna behind. I had one contraction on the way to the hospital.  We got to the hospital around 10.  I was wheeled to admission and conversed with the desk ladies.  I was so impressed as the nurse taking me to my room said, oh I will draw you a bath (which I didn't take her up on).  Everyone was super friendly and I felt like I wasn't in labor at all :P  I was chatting with my midwife as they were connecting me and reminded her that when went to the hospital with Anna I was 10 centimeters dialated.  She checked me and laughed saying that I was at a 10 this time too!  Her and my nurse, Rachel, were commenting that I should never share my labor story because I did not labor like a normal woman.  I was laughing with them and it was just like an appointment.  My midwife that night guessed the weight of the baby and guessed around 9 lbs. When I had Anna the midwife came and suggested breaking my water so I assumed that this midwife would do the same.  We were there for an hour and I asked if they were going to break my water.  My midwife, Gloria, broke my water.  With Anna, barely any fluid came out, but with Matthew it felt like I was continously peeing :P  After they broke my water my contractions started to get intense.  I tried a few different positions, but felt best on my back.  Rachel was an amazing nurse and was a totally blessing.  Her voice was so calming and she was very encouraging.  She helped get Matthew's head down and Gloria got ready for the big event.  When Matthew's head was down one of the nurses said "I can see lots of blonde hair!".  In my head I was thinking, "blonde hair...not my baby."  I had hoped that in a few pushes baby would be out.  I felt the urge to push and we started.  Little did I know that this would be probably the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life.  I pushed and pushed and pushed.  I felt as though nothing was happening.  I could feel tension building in the room.  I was feeling defeated.  Gloria hurriedly announced that I needed to turn on my side to help get baby out.  I turned.  She started to sound frantic as she talked with the nurses.  It was so painful.  I shouted out like one of those crazy pregnant women :P  I told Brad that I couldn't do this anymore and with a raised voice he replied that I had to do this to get the baby out.  Finally at 12:04 2/16/11 Matthew Robert Carr was pulled out into this world.  I asked if they could change the time so he could be born on the 15th :P  I had wanted both kids to be born on a Tuesday and one of my favorite numbers is 15, but Matthew style he came when he was ready.   Brad had considered cutting the cord, but there was no opportunity.  After Matthew came out, he was rushed over to the table.  In the birthing process, his right clavicle was broken and he had several bruises and his head was swollen.  Gloria came over to tell me that "he was alright".  I had to digest the information she had given me as that was when I found out the sex of the baby. We found out that all estimations of his weight were off.  Matthew was 10lbs 1.4 oz and 21.5" long. I had to work through feelings of failure as I felt I had not done my job well.  Brad called the family and let them know Matthew was here.  I confided in my mom that this was the worst pain ever.  When my mom told Anna she had a baby brother she said "I really wanted a baby sister, but I will love a baby brother". Gloria informed us that there are a few births that you will always remember and ours was going to be one of them.  Matthew had gotten stuck coming out and that was what was causing the commotion.  Gloria told us that there are 10 steps to getting a baby out and she had only got to 3 or 4 before and with Matthew she had gotten to 9.  Ten was shoving the baby back in and doing an emergency c-section.  Our praise was that she had just gotten back from a mission trip teaching about the 10 steps.  Another interesting thing was that Gloria was the first midwife I had seen and I had guessed that she was the one that would be delivering Matthew.  Even the night of my labor I could see how positive my experience was.  I am blessed that with both kiddos I can look back and be grateful for having a wonderful birthing process.

February 16th the midwife I had seen while getting monitered came to check on me.  She laughed telling me that I had told her that I was going to have this baby naturally and I did.  When our ped. came to check over Matthew he said the nurses were all talking about the fact that I had delivered a 10lb baby naturally.  He said that checking over Matthew was like doing a 2 month check up!  We had some great nurses during our visit but one really bad one.  She was nice, but I don't think she did a good job at all.  Because of his weight, Matthew had to pass three blood sugar test.  He passed two before the nurse came and when she did the first one he failed.  During the day she ended up poking him more than 7 times.  He had to be on formula in hopes of getting things to turn out all right.  She would have to poke him several times for one test.  It was terrible.  After her shift, he passed the very next test and the nurse said that the previous nurse had been using equipment that wasn't the best.  That was hard.  We were released on the 17th.  I felt great and had only needed a few pills to help with the pain during my visit.  I felt great right away. 

I can not believe how fast time has gone.  As I look at my baby today I can't be more thankful for him.  He is an immense blessing to our family.  I love his cuddles and his smile is infectious.  Overall he is a happy baby and quite a ham.  He is ornery and very determined.  I love him so much and pray blessing over his life.  I look foward to watching him grow up and hope that I can be the mother that he deserves.

Siblings

A few mornings ago I was woken up by the sound of Matthew giggling in his bed.  I hadn't heard him at all before then so wondered what was causing the pleasant sounds to come from his bedroom.  Groggly, I stumble to his room and discover that Anna is in his room and had put a small box of toys in his bed and was talking to him.  She had heard him whining and had gone in to entertain him. (may I say what a kind, responsible, mature little girl I have.  She was letting me sleep and knew exactly what to give Matthew to make him happy!) Anna is a wonderful big sister and takes care of Matthew extremely well.  She will try her best to watch out for him.  She is elated with the littlest things he does.  She does get irritated with him when he destroys a drawing or gets into what she was playing with, but loves to have him come in her room.  They have a new form of entertaining each other.  They play on her piano.  She has taught him to sing in the microphone and shown him which buttons to push to make the piano play a song.  She is the one who taught him how to push the balls down on his toys.  She loves to read to him.  In the mornings we snuggle in bed before we start our day.  She almost always brings in a stuffed animal just for Matthew.  They are funny as they will switch back and forth on the animals.  Anna consistently informs us that she is going to take Matthew to live with her when she is older.
Matthew adores his big sister.  He follows her around.  Anna always gets the most kisses from him and he will race to her and give her hugs.  Even when he was a few months old, if she wasn't around he would search for her.  If I call for her in the mornings he stretches his neck til he sees her coming then gets excited and tries to run away so she will get him.  When he is unhappy, I call for Anna to come and she can make him smile. 
I was terribly worried about how my children would react to having a 4.5 year gap inbetween them.  I was worried about them having a relationship with one another.  My concerns were thrown out the window!  It melts my heart to see them enjoy one another so much.  Less than a handful of times in the last year have we seen Anna be jealous of the new addition.  I pray that we are able to continue to foster a positive relationship between our children.  I know that it won't be all joy as they grow up, but I hope that they will be friends.  And honestly, I feel that a lot of that will depend on how Brad and I raise them.  If we let them be mean to one another and treat each other without respect, then it will wedge them apart.  It makes me sad to see families where the kids beat on each other and can't enjoy each other.  So, here's to crossing our fingers to good success for Brad and I and here's a cheer that my children love one another!