I'm not a competitive person....usually. Brad gets mad at me because when we play games with other people I have a tendency to help out if I can. I love ties, hate watching teams get skunked, and think everyone, no matter their ability, should get to play. After my high school basketball games, my dad and I would sit down and review what I did in the game. One comment would always be.."you need to be more aggressive". I will admit that I hate losing to Brad and have been known to throw a fit and even throw cards at him when I've lost. When we went to workout, I would try and see if I could beat a few other people. Otherwise, competition is low on the list.
When Anna was a baby, I don't remember a time of really comparing her to other kids. She was consistently hitting all of her milestones way ahead of time and astounding us with her intelligence. I often would have to bite my tongue talking to other mothers when they would brag about their older children doing things that Anna was doing at a younger age. I don't think I felt in competition because honestly, my child would have won in the majority of areas. I know that sounds overtly prideful...it probably is, but the truth hurts so get over it :P
This has all changed with Matthew. In the beginning I felt like I had a leg up. I mean, come on, he came out weighing what most babies weigh at two months. He crawled the day before he was 5 months. He rolled to his side the day he was born. He is unbelievably strong. Now, I am in serious war with myself to not be in competition or feel bad. I know it is all me and has nothing to do with my son. He has plans that don't match mine. I'm talking about the fact that he has no interest in walking. I have two friends whose daughters are walking. One of them is a month and some jingle younger than Matthew. Anna walked at 11 months and I guess I just assumed that Matthew would walk around then too. I don't think he isn't capable because he has shown us that he can stand by himself and he has been walking around furniture for months. His legs are strong. He just could care less. He zooms around at a good speed crawling and that must be good enough for him. In my mind I can see that it isn't a big deal that he isn't walking. In fact, it is most likely a tremendous blessing because I have a feeling that once he walks it won't be long til he is running. Even though the average baby walks around 13 months, it wouldn't be abnormal if he didn't. There is nothing wrong with him. There is however, something wrong with me.
Competition really is a terrible thing. When we compare our children we have the potential to crush their spirits. Comparing can help us lose sight of what is really important. We may not appreciate what we or the people we are comparing have to offer or who they are. It can ruin relationships or pit people against one other. It isn't worth it. When I try comparing Anna and Matthew when they are younger I can't. They are so different and possess so many different qualities that it isn't possible. I can state facts like Matthew did this first or Anna was younger when she did that, but to really compare, it isn't impossible. Honestly, I hope that I am never able to compare them. I just want to appreciate them for who they are. And Matthew will eventually walk. Maybe this is my test to get over myself and learn not to care what the Jones's are doing cause it really doesn't matter. I love my children exactly the way they are no matter if they are better or worse than any one else. And that I know is true.
*Side not....every time you talk to me I am not comparing what your children are doing to mine. I love hearing what the children I know are up to. I do get excited for their victories..promise!
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