Monkey say, monkey do

This morning was woken up by Matthew at 5:30.  He went back to sleep, but alas, I could not.  Usually when this happens I just lay in bed til either Anna or Matthew wake up, but today I decided to get dressed.  I thought of all these projects I could get started on, knowing full well that all I was going to do was check my e-mails, Facebook, and Pinterest.  As I was checking my electronic life I was hit with the thought of "You could be spending your time doing your devotions".  Hmmm, at this moment, I don't remember the last time I did a devotion.  Anna and whoever is putting her to bed that night do devotions before she goes to bed.  We make sure it is a priority that she sets aside some time every day to thank Jesus for what He has done and spend time in His Word.  That is all well and good and I see the benefits of doing this.  The problem inlies with the fact that now she is fine doing that but when her or Matthew notice that their mom doesn't take the time to do it, then it could lead to them not making it a priority in their lives.  What I do is what they will do.  Obviously as they get older they will make their own choices no matter what example I set, but I am the one showing them what to do now and in this area I'm failing them.

This concept of monkey say, monkey do also falls over into how Anna and Matthew perceive the world through conversations Brad and I have.  For instance....Anna refuses to go to a class at the YMCA because she doesn't like the teacher.  When asked why she doesn't like her, she will reply that it is because the teacher is so disorganized.  Hmm, a five year old upset because a teacher is disorganized....that probably came from mom complaining about it.  She probably would have had no problem had she not overheard me saying something.  Or how about the times when she complains about the kids being too loud or how rude it is when parents take their kids out when they are visibly sick.  Or let's go to the fact that my daughter has an attitude when she talks at times and when I hear her I hear myself.  Ouch. 

I look at this sometimes and I think, well, at least I'm seeing this now before Matthew is too old and can change a few things.  But then self-doubt creeps in and reminds me that I probably won't.  I hope that I truly do because I do want to set a good example for my kids.  I want my marriage to be an example to them.  I want them to look back on their life and think "I really want to be like my mom in how she did this..." or "I remember my mom in the Word and being an example of someone who is a follower of Christ..".  I want them to model characterisitcs that I find important.  I don't want to say "do what I say, not what I do".  I fail daily, but hopefully the desires of my heart will help me to change and be the example I want to be.